Silver Linings Playbook: A Serious Note

Silver Linings Playbook is a wonderfully executed movie. It had wonderful actors that did wonderful jobs. The story is flawlessly presented. But that's not what I want to talk about.

While this movie was excellent and funny and heartfelt, there's a much more important point I want to make. One I feel may have been overlooked by the average viewer.

The main characters of this story are both intelligent adults trying to do the best they can to live their lives with mental illnesses. It's funny to see these people discuss medication at the dinner table, but when it's your sister at your dinner table, you may be less forgiving. You might tell her to behave, to grow up. These are things people with these challenges hear all the time.

It's not easy to understand if you're not a person who gets so upset you throw a book through the window. It's an incredibly funny scene when Pat wakes his parents up at four in the morning to rant about A Farewell to Arms, but it's also a true one. You can see how upset he is, and you feel bad for him when all his parents want to do is go back to sleep, but in real life these things are categorized as "immature" or "silly".

Personally, I've dealt with a lot of the issues Pat has. I've had similar outbursts. I do my best to control it, but when I was younger, I couldn't always. Throwing things, breaking things, slamming things, these weren't things I had control over, even when I was trying my best. I had to learn to handle it. I understood and brushed off the ignorant comments because I knew people just didn't understand, but I was shocked to hear them from people with the same problems. Even people that I knew had similar challenges to work against would tell me I needed to act better, I needed to be less immature.

Really, my point is, this movie is a great display of mature adults dealing with illness. It clearly shows the things they can't control and the ways they try to control them. As hard as it is, try to find sympathy for that screaming neighbor the same way you do Pat and Tiffany. Listen to them instead of fighting them. A lot of the time, they're trying their hardest and they just need a little bit of encouragement.

My Thoughts: Horror Movies

You: Hey, what's your favorite movie?
Me: That's a broad question. Can you narrow it down a bit?
You: What's your current favorite movie?
Me: The Cabin in the Woods.
You give me a weird look.

Yeah, you're doing it. I know you are. I get that look a lot when I...well, speak. You should see the looks I get when I say Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling are unattractive.

Stop looking at me like that.

Really though folks, horror fans especially, let's talk for a second. Ever noticed how so many for really real horror movies have majorly sucking story lines and are clearly just an excuse for naked people and blood? I like naked people and blood just as much as the next horror fan, I mean, who could get tired of that one blonde chick that just doesn't learn, takes her shirt off and is immediately beheaded? But I could watch that in my sleep. Yeah, I love effects and some big horror films have been worth a pretty penny, but random stabbings just aren't an interesting story. Engage me, terrify me, anything! Be interesting.

Well, the parodies are. Movies like Scream and The Cabin in the Woods, they're horror movies but they're also comedies. They have logical reasoning and you get a sense that these things could really be out there. The Scream movies? Not a single paranormal thing there. Just some seriously twisted kids with empty pill bottles and too much time on their hands. Sounds like some people I know...

The stories, the details, everything is so well nurtured in movies like this. So why can't we do it with a standard horror film?

These are the questions that keep me awake.

My Thoughts: Racism and Homophobia

I'll be honest, I don't read the bible. Maybe there's somebody out there that does and to you my friend I say, correct me if I'm wrong but: racism and homophobia are different, no? In your book somewhere it says being gay is a sin and something about being hit with rocks. I think. But, nowhere in this book does it say "Bro, your skins a little darker than mine, somebody better kill you." right?

Lemme just say, I'm against all types of discrimination. Young people, old people, skinny people, fat people, loud people, quiet people, black people, white people, green people, gay people, straight people, happy people, sad people, hey those all end in "people". But while I am against discrimination, I also support people believing in things. There are people, some of them lovely people, who honestly believe that being gay is a sin and someone they care about will end up in hell for all eternity. These people aren't being mean or homophobic or hating anyone, they're honestly concerned. How sweet are they? Very.

Then you've got your wackadoos over at places like the Westboro Baptist Church. I don't like to generalize really, or insult people, but ya'll some nutjobs. For real. Those people, not peaceful. Not interested in looking out for anyone. Only interested in being assholes as publicly as possible. I've seen there websites and protests and interviews, I say again: Wackadoos. 

There are also some people that just basically don't like you. They're gonna say whatever they think sounds best to insult you, make you feel bad, emotionally murder you, you know, playground stuff. These people are what I like to call "boring". They don't actually stand for anything, or mean anything they say, it's kind of a waste of time to be these people, so...that sucks. Sorry about stuff, guys. Play an instrument or something.

But those genuine people, the ones that are actually invested in taking care of people, I can see where they're coming from. They've got an actual belief based on an actual book they believe to be the word of their god that tells them homosexuality is a sin.

So someone explain racism to me. I'm pretty sure that book doesn't say "kill people who are from Africa".
And that Jesus guy, ya'll remember him? Jewish. Just a whole bunch of all Jewish people were his people. They raised him, they hung out with him, they preached his message. Cool dudes, right? Doing stuff they care about, getting things done, hanging out with Jesus, but like, what if one of them gets a tan? He's a different shade of skin now. Uh oh, kick him out! Oh wait, he's a disciple, ain't nobody looking at his skin color.

What's our basis for discriminating against people of different races? What ancient text dropped down from the sky and set specific guidelines for what colors people could be? I want to be turquoise.

These are the questions that keep me awake.

My Thoughts: Avatar: The Last Airbender

So, when I was like, who really knows, some age. Eight maybe. When I was eight-maybe Nickelodeon brought on this anime show called Avatar: The Last Airbender.

My rundown of this show:
A kid that can float runs away from his responsibilities and some monks and gets frozen in a block of ice with his flying bison. Meanwhile, the world goes to hell and some guys with unattractive haircuts set everything on fire. Then a stupid girl girl with a lot of heart and faith and her dopey brother release the kid and his bison one hundred years later. The kid, supposedly, is the great protector, master of all elements here to save the world, but that one time that he ran off because he didn't want to clean his room rule the world and got frozen for a hundred years really cut into his training. Now girl with heart, dopey brother and floating kid must set off on the bison to master all the elements before the unattractive haircuts set them on fire. Adventure ensues.

It was a good show. My brother and I watched it religiously. Parked in front of my princess TV with paper plates loaded down with pepperoni pizza, we watched. They played it in marathons all the time. Even when it was new and there were only four episodes. We watched them. Over and over until... until... Oh I don't know, something that distracts eight year olds.

Those geniuses over at Nick, they got serious into this show. It wasn't just the marathons, they publicized the crap out of it. They released books about their adventures on the flying bison, they even had little plastic toys on sale at Target. Really, dude? My mom watches this show.

Then it ended, pretty quickly because, you know, the story was over. And then some time went by, and the kids who knew what that show was grew up and stuff. The geniuses at Nick, however, decided to make a movie with people that weren't even drawn.

I mean, that's cool. Make your movie. But like, who's your audience? I don't know. They don't know. They cast that guy from Twilight.

So, now we have a movie. And I went to see that movie. And now, my question is: Why did they change the pronunciation of every name? Not even consistently, they just came in and said everything in a new way. Sock-a became So-kuh and A-ng became Ahn-g and those people just really didn't know what they were doing with this one. Hi, Twilight guy.

Yo, Nickelodeon, you can't remember ya own characters names?

These are the questions that keep me awake.

Katie puked.

So, world, what's up? I've missed you. Let me tell you a story.
This one time when I was nine I met this crazy guy. His name is Don Thacker. It turned out his craziness was actually a really magical, completely awesome thing that I totally wanted to be involved in. He also wanted me involved. Now we are friends.
Then he made this one movie called Motivational Growth. It showcases his awesome insanity in a beautiful but seriously jacked up way. Also, I was in it. I puked. Every time Don calls me it's because he wants me to puke or be shot or die in some way. One time he actually said to me, quite affectionately, that he would kill me so many times in my lifetime. He's a good dude.
And then we did this 72 hour film contest. All these really cool people at Imagos Films combined their talent, creativity and insomnia to make something awesome. That's pretty much what the people on this team do. They just get in the same room and then boom. Next thing you know (or 72 hours later) some freaking masterpiece falls from the sky. They're just that good.
Don't get lost in my rambling about the interesting people I know, keep up.
Tonight, Motivational Growth had a little screening. By little screening I mean, Motivational Growth, the finished project, was shown to a whole theater full of people for the first time EVER. I had seen this movie before, on a television set that most likely wasn't named Kent, in a very early stage. Then I saw it on a giant screen in a theater all put together. This is obviously the best way to view it. Which you would know if you had been there, but you weren't. Why is that? You should have been. Shame on you.
I'll tell you a secret. Last time I saw this movie, I took a bottle of scrubbing bubbles into the shower with me. You know, just in case of mold. Oh, did I tell you about The Mold? He sits in a corner and talks and shoots people with different types of fungus. What kind of movie is this? I told you, Don's crazy. And his mold is terrifying. If I ever come face to face with him, I'm dumping a gallon of bleach on that sucker. The Mold, that is. You really should have come to see this film. It's great.
So basically, I just wanted to tell you that Motivational Growth is awesome. I am honored to have been a part of it and to have had the chance to stand along side so many talented people this evening to represent the crazy, twisted, amazing thing we did. I am very fortunate to have friends like these.

Yep. That's what's new with me. How have you been?

Chicken

So, Chick-Fil-A. What the hell, right?

In my opinion, they're entitled to their opinion. Everyone is. If you are anti-gay and that's really what you believe, that's fine. That's your personal choice. It's even cool if you want to donate your own money to an organization with the same beliefs. That's all your own, personal decision. I even feel like if you want to donate money that your company has made, that's cool too.

The thing is, that's PERSONAL information. It's inappropriate for a business to be stating. You don't walk up to your customers and tell them about how you watched your grandfather flatline when you were 8. You don't walk up to your customers and tell them about how your wife left you after a torrid affair. You don't walk up to your customers and tell them you're spending all their money to buy yourself plastic surgery. And if you do, you should be fired.

If you want to be anti-gay, okay (I don't agree with you but it's not really any of my business) but you don't need to share that with the world. That's something you tell your friends and your family and people you know personally. Just the same if you are gay. That's never what you lead with. You don't meet people and say "Hi, I'm John. I sell chicken. I'm gay." because that's weird. No one cares. So you don't need to say "Hi, I'm John. I sell chicken. I'm against gay marriage." Both of these encounters will make people afraid of you, and it won't be because of your beliefs.

So keep your personal business personal. And next time you feel like announcing some things, stop and think "Is this public information? Would I tell someone I met on the street this information?" And if the answer is no, shut your mouth and go home. Tell your wife, tell your friend, tell your pool boy. Don't tell a camera or a microphone.

But if you do decide to be that creepy person that tells you too much information when no one asked you any questions, don't expect the people that disagree with you to provide you with cash for cars and pools and hate organizations. Just like you're entitled to your opinion, so is everyone else and they tend to get a little testy when you openly talk about their friends and family being abominations.  

Also, don't kill chickens.

My non-Hunger Games thoughts on Josh Hutcherson

So there's this guy. His name is Josh but I'm afraid most people know him better as Peeta these days.

Now, I love The Hunger Games. The books are fantastic emotional rides that I can't help speeding through; the movie was less good. But still, good. And when they opted to cast talent over name I was thrilled, but now I can't seem to escape the Team Peeta fans. No one wants to talk about Josh anymore.

It was 2006 when this boy first crossed my tv screen -long before The Hunger Games was even written- and I was mesmerized. His skills were astonishing. I was in love with his acting. I watched every film of his I could. I couldn't get over the way he embodied every character he played. And he became almost unrecognizable in every role.

He brought all the same skills to the table when he took on Peeta, even dying his hair, one of the few things that makes him recognizable, to fully portray the guy. But see, here's the thing about all that: The Hunger Games didn't change him, it changed his fans. He went from being virtually unknown and underground to people driving 6 hours to his family's house in KY on the off chance he'd be home for Thanksgiving, then watching him eat dinner through the window.

I guess that while that's a little creepy, it's not a bad thing. But now anytime I suggest watching one of his movies or interviews I feel like another fangirl. But Bridge to Terabithia, The Vampire's Assistant, The Kids Are All Right, these films that show a promising young actor doing what he does best, existed in the world and on my DVD shelf long before The Hunger Games, and his talent will keep shining long after they have gone.

So, yeah. I like Peeta. All for him. But I'm not in love with Josh Hutcherson because the world changed his name to a fictional characters. I'm in love with him for other reasons. Because that didn't sound creepy and fangirly at all...

Oh Brother.

You say it's your birthday nanananana it's my birthday too!

No seriously,
Happy birthday Matt. I have to say, 20? 20!? 20??????????????? Are we sure about this? Can't we go back to everybody being 1 something? I liked 19, I was good with 19. Yep. I've decided, 19 it is.

But again, seriously, I love you. I can't believe that you're 20. And all the time now it seems you guys are leaving me in the dust. First, I was the only one that was still a single digit age, then I was the only minor, now here you've gone and left me, again, to be the only teenager. But you know why I'm happy about that? You really are growing up. For the first time I feel like the only teenager. You've taken so much initiative in moving forward with your life. Don't get me wrong, you've still got a long way to go, but who doesn't? Moving in the right direction is all anyone can ever do right? 

WARNING: That in no way gives you permission to stop making progress. Don't even think about it. Think about Pink Elephants instead. (They are better than blue ones, magic powers and all)

Robert, I said don't think about it! Think about the elephants!

No seriously, pink elephants, what a concept, I was gobsmacked. Did you know there are pink DOLPHINS?? I want to swim with one, but they're in South America or something. I don't like shots.

I digress. 

Since you have officially left teenager/child life behind, I would like to remind you of a few things you're never allowed to forget:

Oh this too: EVERYTHING OK!

• Yoda dolls hurt if you get in the eye with them.
• Each of us has a little Criss Angel inside us. (you can remember this when you eat corn) 
• Beyblades will be cool no matter how old we get, but they DO NOT work in cardboard boxes. 
• On Wednesdays you should call your sister. Okay, not every Wednesday, but every now and then. 
• Seto Kaiba and Prince Zuko got nothin' on all those other anime jerks. 
• I once beat you at a duel. (no excuses! I said none!) 
• Snape has gotten kind of fat and his nose got larger. 
• Dad's "I fixed it!" face. :D
• "NINJA! Where you go?"
• The chicken-butts WILL peck your finger off.
• "Do what?" doesn't make sense in most circumstances. Try "What did you say?" :P
• Never argue grammar with mom, you will always lose. Always. 
• Never argue grammar with me, you will always lose. Most of the time. 
• Whether you bend and aim or not, WASH YOUR HANDS! 

Also, Matt, don't forget this either: I love you, I mean, a lot of the time I hate you, but you're my brother, that's how that works. It's a very specific rule. It's in the sibling handbook. I think you were sick that day. But I have it. I know the rule. And I love you, even if I hate you. But don't make me hate you, okay? Oh! And don't tell anyone about this love thing. I can't have you go ruining my reputation or anything. 

So, in short, Happy birthday old man, I love you and I'm proud of you, and stop this old thing. (but not the growing up thing. you're thinking about it still aren't you? Geez. You can't be trusted at all) 

15 songs.

Recently, the drummer from my favorite band, (Jake Bundrick from Mayday Parade) compiled his life into ten songs. After listening to it I was tempted to try it myself. I had a few more then ten, but I think I got everything big. So, here's my life in fifteen (diverse) songs:

1. Vienna- Billy Joel

I first heard this song watching 13 going on 30. It's always been one of my favorite movies and it has the greatest messages. I always remember everything I learned from this movie when I hear this song. 

2. Jessie's Girl- Rick Springfield

When I was still young and impressionable, my mother decided to live her life-long dream and write a biography about Rick Springfield. There was never a time his music wasn't playing. We went to concerts to see him. She traveled a few times to do interviews. It was constant for what seems like years in my mind. At the time, I didn't understand "80's popstar" or "17 top 40 songs". He was just Rick. And his music will follow me for the rest of my life. 

3. Vegas- All Time Low

 

This song is my entire driving music playlist. I first heard So Wrong, It's Right in spring of 2008. I had never heard of All Time Low at that point and I fell in love. I have since gotten all of their releases the week they came out (if not the day) and gotten all their old EPs and such. But through the 70 some songs I have, this one has always spoken to me and will always be my favorite. 

4. I Kissed A Girl- Katy Perry

I heard of Katy Perry before most of my friends did. She wasn't always auto-tuned and over produced, she used to be kinda indie, but when this song surfaced, not one of my friends could stop singing it. Mostly the guys. This song holds so many memories of crazy times in junior high and how we used to amuse ourselves. 

5. Firefly- Breaking Benjamin 

This song was on the soundtrack to one of the Smackdown vs. Raw video games. My dad always used to play them when I was a kid and I still play them now. I have found over the years that it brings back so many memories of my family just going on with our lives, and when I remember things I find if I listen hard enough I can hear this song playing in the background. I just associate it with family. I did also learn the words and I fall in love with the song all on it's own. The memories are just a bonus.

6. Just Friends- The Jonas Brothers

I had my Jonas phase. I was 12. It happens. And as I've matured and gotten space, I still maintain that Nick Jonas has a lot of talent (best used in theater, not gonna lie), but I could be biased. This is my absolute favorite song of theirs. I love the sound of it and I love the story. Every time I hear it I get to be a boy band obsessed preteen again and pretend that this song has something to do with my "Future Mrs. Jonas" shirt. 

7. Ocean and Atlantic- Mayday Parade

"We don't all need a home but just a place to sleep." A Lesson in Romantics is my favorite album. Literally. And although there are 12 amazing songs on this album and it's impossible to choose a favorite, this is the song I have always gravitated towards. Whenever I start to think I'm losing, I hear this song in my head and it reminds to keep running, no matter what. 

8. Whenever You Remember- Carrie Underwood

My mothers motto has always been "Change is Bad", but the biggest thing I've learned is everything changes and it's not really a bad thing. This song always reminds me of all the old friends, houses, plans and general different lives I've lived. Every time something changed, something else to get attached to showed up, but I still like to remember. 

9. We've Got a Big Mess On Our Hands- The Academy Is...

One of the greatest bands I can think of, this song gives me the best ideas. I have thought multiple times about throwing my phone in a public pool. The line "I always put myself in destructive situations" is one of the truest things I have ever heard. I never get to far from this song because it's like a best friend you tell all your problems to. I've always got it on an iPod or CD or phone somewhere.

10. Everything's An Illusion- Mayday Parade

Just a few weeks after this album came out, a good friend of mine I hadn't seen in quite a while died. I didn't find out until after the funeral, so I never really got a goodbye. This song spoke to me instantly and I played it constantly. It was on repeat in my house all day. I wasn't all that surprised to find out that the song was written about a friend of Jake's who died. It made perfect sense to me that this was the song I chose to get me through because it turned out he had also missed the funeral and felt like he hadn't had a proper goodbye. 

11. Soundtrack to Your Life- Ashley Parker Angel

In 7th grade my show choir went to Disney World. We flew from Chicago to Orlando and I listened to this one song the whole flight. It plays into the "life's to short" outlook nicely. It always makes me think "How do you want to remember this?" And it's very fitting to the show choir trip. I'm pretty sure I had an explosive fight with every person I was friends with at that time and hope(d) that I won't see any of them again, but Disney was one of my favorite memories. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

12. Metalingus- Alter Bridge

As I mentioned before, the WWE has been a big part of my life. I believe I was 3 or 4 when I first saw Edge. He was on in my house a lot growing up even though my dad's favorite was Undertaker. When my dad moved Wrestling was never on anymore. Not for any particular reason, it was just that he hadn't turned it on. Then one day about 4 years ago I was flipping through channels and landed on Smackdown. The wrestlers were a little older, some of them unfamiliar faces, but I fell right back in. This song was Edge's theme music then and until the day he retired. This song reminds me of the first time I saw Edge and all the matches I've seen since. 

13. Therapy- All Time Low

I had an immediate connection to this song. First time through the record I picked up on it and I understood. I had no idea that in the next few months things would change drastically and this song would become my life raft. Thankfully, it kept me afloat long enough to get to the next ship and I owe ATL a lot for it. 

14. Skyway Avenue- We The Kings

My first We The Kings song back in 2008, 3 albums later I haven't found a song of theirs I don't like. I could probably list any song here, but every time I hear this song I remember the first time I heard them. Then seeing them on the End of the World tour, I'm pretty sure they moved into my top 5 favorite bands. This song is one of my favorites. I can't lie, I came to this band for Travis Clark's hair, but I stayed for the music.

15. Miserable At Best- Mayday Parade

Another song off A Lesson In Romantics, this song always comes out on a rainy day. I had heard of Mayday Parade quite a while before this song was a single, but I had never really followed them (what was I thinking?) until I heard this song playing on the computer at a friends house one day and recognized the singers. I was obsessed of course and followed them closely, I knew every tour they went on and every song they released. They have set me straight so many times. Their music is truly important to my life. It can be argued that without them, I wouldn't have a life right now. This song will always remind me of my first rock show, the End of the Word 2012 tour. One of the greatest days of my life.

So there you have it. My life in fifteen songs. :]

FLorida.

Greetings all. I come to you, not quite so live, from Orlando.

My life currently consists of limited internet usage, excessive text messages, rapid concert going, and phone calls from my sister updating me on the current state of her children. I am attempting to step up my internet communications, connecting things to mobile and whatnot. Today I redesigned my tumblr, twitter and various blogs for more updates/user friendly usage. So. You should follow me on twitter and tumblr. http://poundthegavel.tumblr.com/  https://twitter.com/#!/mymusicalnotes and youtube, why not. http://www.youtube.com/mymusicalnotes

Mommy.

When it rains it pours. A statement I had never really fully grasped. I've got it now.

My dear, darling sister is currently laid up, 8 1/2 months pregnant, patiently waiting for the 29th when the doctor will break her water and she will be able to stand up straight again.

Her husband is recovering. He had back surgery just a little over a week ago and is now on medications that make him not quite himself.

And where, might you ask, are the 2 children they already have? My living room. Watching Elmo.

I have inherited two small children. Small children have A LOT of stuff. Last week my mom and I spent several hours rearranging our house to make it "Child Proof" and create a pseudo bedroom complete with "Cars bed!" as Andrew calls his child mattress with a plush cars blanket and a small playpen/crib for Caleb.

My floor, couch and kitchen are now covered in various legos, blocks, puzzles, books and hot wheels. My bathtub is filled with toy boats and animals (not to mention slightly stained from all the purple, green and orange baths they've been taking). There are juice boxes in my refrigerator, diapers in my garbage can, and tiny child hangers with tiny child clothes in my closet. Who on earth would allow such a thing to happen to their home? Who would let children drool and wipe their noses all over their shirt? Who would sit through Thomas the Train after Thomas the Train episode? There is a name for this person. Mommy. This is the type of person I have become. I change diapers. I clean up toys after the children fall asleep. And I am very tired. But somehow, I get all the energy I need to take care of them when I hear that small voice say "Aunt Tori? I lolve you." or see that big smile come toddling toward me saying "MOMOMOMOM" And I never, never get tired of the warm hugs and slimy little kisses.

So here it is: Rent-A-Mom, Open for Business.

Dear Nephew too Young to Read:

Well Caleb, I thought you weren't going to make an appearance. You little trickster; I should have known the second we turned around to go home you would decide it was time to be born. Well we got you in the end. They played the little "Someone had a baby" music they play in the hospital lobby and we all jumped up and down and said "That's our baby!"

That wasn't a year ago was it? I couldn't have been a whole year younger when I babysat your brother while mom and grandma made a midnight run to the hospital. I wasn't a year younger when I sat in the lobby of a different hospital singing Ke$ha songs at 1am. (Thankfully it was just family at that point; family I'm convinced you were hiding from) Was it really a year ago that I sat with aunt Brittany on one side and uncle Matt on the other as we discussed at length Blue's Clues changing from Steve to Joe? I believe Matt had some things to say about drugs, I was more interested in the "Blue-ska-doo we can too" thing he did all wrong. Of course you have no idea who Steve is you little 21st century baby. We pulled chairs up to a table along the wall and tried to out Criss Angel each other. We all failed miserably; apparently we aren't magician material.

Could it really have been an entire year since we laughed at your great grandfather snoring on the hospital couch? He was waiting around to meet you before he had to drive back to Kentucky that night. No it definitely wasn't a year ago I got so tired that I hoped and hoped you were a girl. I saw the pictures and refused to go and meet you. Naturally, I went to meet you. I came back the next day and the next day. No I'm sure there hasn't been a whole year since your brother and I unwrapped you from your warm blanket because he really, really needed to make sure you had feet. He promptly tickled them.

Alas, it's been a year. I have one tiny sense of time, almost unnoticeable and sure to be forgotten at some point. It was my cell phone. You were taking so long my phone started dying and I had to pull a chair over to an outlet to plug it in. That night your cousin texted me to tell me he was hanging out with his friend Captain Morgan and something about... Blueberries? Your great aunt called to make sure he wasn't drunk. Nope, he was messing with us. That conversation. That's how I know it's truly been a year. The phone I was using (the blue and white Gravity from TMo that chimed obnoxiously, shut off if you held it wrong, didn't vibrate anymore, had cracks in the screen and had been beaten so badly the space bar didn't work) hadn't worked for months, but I upgraded just after Halloween.

There you have it. I guess it was a year ago which means, to my horror, you are exactly 1 year old today. Brat. Now you say words and stand up on your own and go about your little one year old life. Brat. So while you're playing with buttons and napping on people and learning things from your brother, (who isn't always a good source of information; I taught him that) remember AuntT loves you. And really wishes you would stop getting bigger. Happy Birthday Brat.

Child Abuse.

Child abuse is bad. Obvious right? Well after 3 years Casey Anthony has been found not guilty of murdering her 2 year old daughter. Even if it was an accident, you don't go partying, dump the body in the woods and get on with your life.

But if she had been convicted what really would have happened? She most likely would have been killed herself. Then what? The world would be short one Casey Anthony. I doubt anyone would miss her. She's just one seriously messed up person...

Now before you start running your mouth about me, I DO believe she's guilty. I do believe she should have been convicted, but I also believe that it wouldn't make one bit of difference to the 5 children that die everyday due to abuse and neglect. 6 million children are reported abused a year. They could be helped if people knew what to do.

I know everyone has a facebook account. Go and join this event, and invite your friends to do the same. Share just one status update about child abuse prevention. For five minutes of your time, you could save 5 children's lives. Every status counts.

If a child is being abused call 1-800-4-A-CHILD or go to ChildHelp.org

Pictures

I love taking pictures. My computer actually is FULL because I have so many pictures on it. I have pictures of all those people I reference as "the past". They were there for all my pictures and memories, they're in all my stories. Now I've never been the kind to burn all the pictures of people after stupid fights; that's dumb. Even if you don't want the pictures now, you will someday and burning/disfiguring them won't erase the memories. Also, burning pictures is bad for the earth, but that's another story. So I keep my pictures, but I never look at them. Ya know why? Because every time I do I see their freakin' faces and I don't care about the memories

anymore. All the memories are "Yeah, but I know what's coming." It's like they're poisoning all my photographs with their smiles. Their fake, fake smiles.

Everyone has faced this problem I think. It's not a maturity issue or an "I hate you, go die!" issue, it's a "Wow I just really don't even want to see your face" issue. This is one of the ways our generation has it better. There used to be two choices, destroy the picture or don't destroy the picture. With this digital age, all our photos are online and backed up on discs, memory cards, phones and hard drives. The best thing I can come up with to do is make a copy and do this:

Remember that trip to Disney World? The one you went on with your choir full of your "best friends for life"? I remember the trip, but not the BFFL part. This reflects that.

Those times spent at the hotel's guitar shaped pool. Remember how we all went running to the piano pool and Mom tried to photograph us all running by?

Or how about the dumb things we did just walking around parks? Yeah we all stuck our heads in the stocks in the middle of magic kingdom on our way to our third time on the Haunted Mansion ride. And when the body dropped, you all screamed. Again. And when they spun you around and tilted you back you screamed. Again. You were amazed by the dancing ghosts. Again. And you all talked about the "Fred is dead, a big rock fell on his head" tombstone outside and referenced the annoying youtube kid. And laughed about whether or not a ghost would follow you all the way to Illinois, you just to your hotel.

There was that 13th birthday get together with just a few people. There was laser tag and that awesome guy that worked there helped shoot your friends because you had uneven teams. You still lost, but help from a much older, cute worker guy gave you guys enough to giggle over for the rest of the evening.

That Jonas Brothers concert the night before the first day of school? You opted for the 4 lawn seats so you could bring your friends with. There were several tears when Nick sang A Little Bit Longer.

You guys signed their tour bus. There was much talk of the "sacred" blue sharpie afterword.

How about when that old friend came back to town and you went to Wendy's with the old friend and the new one? There was sharing of old inside jokes and creating of new ones. Your mom just kept periodically taking pictures of everyone. It's a good thing everyone loved her because she takes a lot of random pictures of your friends.

Then you and said friends went to meet Ashley Greene.Your mom ordered those "Team Mike Newton" shirts Ashley loved so much. Yeah, you still have that shirt. Yeah it has Ashley's signature on it. Remember that old friend/enemy boy you've known since grade school that you saw in the line behind you? Good times.

And accidentally met Mitchel Musso, who was the sweetest guy and hugged all three of you separately and signed an insert on one of your CD's "Just in case" because you only had 2. Then after 5 minutes with you guys, still had the patience to wait while your mom changed cameras because hers wasn't working.

Yeah, okay. So I don't really go around copying pictures and putting colorful circles in place of peoples faces, but I thought it would make for interesting visuals. And it's a pretty good representation of what really happens. I laughed remembering the conversations we had all through Disney World, and my birthday party, and the concerts we went to and all the ridiculous stuff that happened at show choir rehearsals. The color blobs are perfect examples of my experience. That whole "It's not where you are it's who you're with" thing is a lie. 10 years from now there is a very real possibility you won't know who the heck you were with, but you'll remember Disney World. You'll remember the roller coasters that made you scream and performing on the dock in downtown Disney. You'll remember getting cake in your nose when someone smashed your face in it. Does it really matter who did the smashing? Does it really matter who took the video camera to show the video of the cake going up your nose to that guy you've been in love with forever? I'm honestly not even sure who took him the camera anymore, or who all was at the restaurant. (Yes, it happened at a restaurant.) The answer to all these questions is no.

Memory is a funny thing. It doesn't always stick around forever, but it can be triggered at anytime. So don't destroy the pictures. Don't completely close your mind to something that was once good. You could end up wiping out a lot more than a person's face. Just wait. And maybe, you'll be so absolutely annoyed at someone's face that you get angry every time you open your pictures. If that happens, cut their heads out; even if it's not permanent, it can help you see past who was a in a photo and see what was happening. That's what really counts.

"To my ex-bestfriends, don't know how we grew apart. To my favorite bands and singalongs in my car, to the face I see in my memory, Where are you now?" Where Are You Now -Honor Society

p.s. Just for the heck of it. I know you're wondering :P Not my best look.

Perspective.

Sometimes things or people in our lives turn out not to be who we thought they were, or in my case, exactly who we thought they were. Sometimes they're friends, sometimes family, sometimes they are just people connected to people you want nothing to do with. I know many of them; a few family members, tons of "friends", a best friend even. The worst thing about these people is once you finally make them go away, you can't trust them not to come back.

I can't even begin to count how many friend requests, text messages and phone calls I've gotten from old friends trying to get back into my life. I see them as insects; no matter what obstacle you put in their way, the always find some way to force

themselves back into your house. In some people this isn't a bad thing. Some people you just need space from, other times one or both of you need to learn or get something, but some people need to be tossed out on the curb with the trash Sunday night and hauled off to a landfill. It's hard to tell them apart, but I'm learning. Some times the only way to know is to give someone multiple opportunities to prove them self in one direction or the other.

There are a lot of people I've left sitting on the curb, but the thing about people is, they aren't like garbage cans. If you leave them sitting somewh

ere, they get up and walk away when you aren't looking. Then, when you least expect it, they show up on your porch or the other end of a telephone line.

Some people I'm not sure about. Time helps you gain perspective, which I hope I've done. I've recently made some decisions about several people. There's only one way to know if they're right, and if they aren't, Oh well. I'll take my chances. Some people are too important for the curb.

These feelings I can't take no more, this emptiness in the bottom drawer, it's getting harder to pretend, and I'm not coming back around again. -Avril Lavinge, Remember When

Children.

Sometimes, when I see Jason Castro, I am reminded of how my mom always said he looked like a girl. I always argued with her until one night, I was in the car headed back from the beach watching one of his American Idol videos. I never thought he looked like a girl.

It was late and the sun was setting. The small girl next to me was up way past her bed time and nodding off in her car seat. Then I see her watching my iPod screen, mesmerized. The unbiased child looks at me with wide eyes, puts her sticky little finger on my iPod and says "Who's she?"

My mom and I haven't revisited the subject since. I don't like to argue cases I can't win...

Memory Lane

For a long time I have lived in a town that I am less than crazy about, on a street I don't really like, in a house surrounded by people I'm not huge fan of. I have been disconnecting from some people, most people in my area actually, and I couldn't be happier about that, but this town gets to me.

During the process of getting rid of people, I did things like change my phone number. The new number did eventually get to some people, but that hasn't been a problem yet. When the shock of "The Schooling Incident" had worn off, I realized that it wasn't just my school friends that were the problem. I began reevaluating my relationships with friends and family and taking care not to enter into any harmful situations again. I have made some small sacrifices, but when I think about it, they didn't matter that much after all.

Now, (thanks to facebook) I have been reconnecting with old friends, I even go places with them. Just last night I was planning a reunion party with a couple friends, who will bring their friends, and we will all meet people and listen to 90's boy bands, probably make fools of ourselves and film it. That's just how we have fun.

At the beginning of the summer, my mom and I revisited an idea we had gone over so many times: returning to the small town in the middle of nowhere we call home. Suddenly it wasn't an idea anymore, it was a full blown plan. We were driving around looking for places to live and buying newspapers. We began cleaning out our house and packing things. I talked to friends that live there, friends from kindergarten, from 3rd grade, people who actually want to see me.

Although I know there will the same kind of people there, I will continue to apply my new ways of thinking and evaluating. And I'll be doing from home this time, in a town I love, possibly on a street I grew up on, in a house surrounded by friends.

"Memory Lane, we're here again, back to the days and I'll remember you always, so much has changed, now it feels like yesterday I went away" -Memory Lane McFly

Irony.

2011.

Hello friends, I stand here before you, on the eve of new years eve, a changed person.

Well not really. I don't feel any older. I don't look any different. I am the same person that was here yesterday and I will be the same person January second. This brings about a problem. This "Holiday" of sorts is false. It comes, spreading cheer, making children fight to stay awake, bringing promises of new beginnings, excitement and opportunities.

But really, there is no new beginning. Nothing starts over, not even the calender. People start the year sleep deprived and hung-over, not a very promising start if you ask me. And you have all the same opportunities you did last year.

Now I'm not saying I don't get involved in the whole holiday, staying up late, party thing. I do. I'm a very nostalgic person. I never pass up the chance to go over the past. But I never understood.

Now this year, my friend Emma believes, is doomed. She doesn't seem to be prepared for the "Starting over" part of the new year. Adding up all the things that went wrong in 2010 is the first thing that will go wrong in 2011. You can't really start over, but you can change things. Everyone, family, friends, strangers, follow this link and leave a comment telling her how much 2011 is going to rock.

Enjoy your holiday everyone, I know I will. I'll talk to you all again soon.

Television.

SPOILER ALERT***If you have never seen Veronica Mars, Grey's Anatomy or Lost and plan to some day, DO NOT READ.

I am not an obsessive television watcher, but come between me and my shows and you will pay the price. Some of my favorite shows aren't on anymore, things like Veronica Mars, Heroes, and Alias, which pretty much means I can watch them whenever I want. But then there are things that are still in the middle of the season, leaving me hanging, not knowing whether or not my favorite characters are doomed or not.

I'm all for this Christmas, Holiday, Celebration and all, but it really interferes with my shows. So far, I have spent this t.v. break watching Veronica Mars, which got me wondering, Why must all my favorite characters die? Take Cassidy Casablancas for example. I loved him, fabulous character and then boom. It turns out he killed a bus full of people, blew up a helicopter, and raped Veronica. And then, of course, he dies. Then There was George on Grey's Anatomy. Favorite character ever. Great doctor. Gets dragged by a bus. On LOST, there was... Well, everyone died on Lost, but Boone and Charlie died long before they should have. Can I tell? Do I just know when someone is going to die and decide they're my favorite because of it? Or does whoever is in charge of t.v. just out to get me?

Then there is this REALLY terrible thing. Sometimes the magical t.v. man decides to cancel a show between seasons. They leave you without anymore of the story, no hints. What if we never found out who Veronica was hoping was at her door in season 1? It would eat at me forever. Just like the season three finale is still haunting me. I'll never find out if Logan's chivalrous but stupid attempt at defending Veronica's honor got him killed by the mafia. I'll never know where Duncan is, or how his baby turns out, or if he ever gets arrested. Granite, I probably wouldn't have found that out anyway.

I take t.v. very seriously. I watch the shows I watch when they're on. It's really only about 5 hours a week. But each of those stories are very important. When these shows are canceled, the questions live on forever in my brain. Perhaps there is something wrong with me and I just really shouldn't care that much about Logan Echolls. I want answers though, and I will go on. wanting answers and not getting them.

So dear magic tv man, if you are reading this, please, don't cancel anymore of my shows. It would mean a lot. Thanks.