My Thoughts: Horror Movies

You: Hey, what's your favorite movie?
Me: That's a broad question. Can you narrow it down a bit?
You: What's your current favorite movie?
Me: The Cabin in the Woods.
You give me a weird look.

Yeah, you're doing it. I know you are. I get that look a lot when I...well, speak. You should see the looks I get when I say Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling are unattractive.

Stop looking at me like that.

Really though folks, horror fans especially, let's talk for a second. Ever noticed how so many for really real horror movies have majorly sucking story lines and are clearly just an excuse for naked people and blood? I like naked people and blood just as much as the next horror fan, I mean, who could get tired of that one blonde chick that just doesn't learn, takes her shirt off and is immediately beheaded? But I could watch that in my sleep. Yeah, I love effects and some big horror films have been worth a pretty penny, but random stabbings just aren't an interesting story. Engage me, terrify me, anything! Be interesting.

Well, the parodies are. Movies like Scream and The Cabin in the Woods, they're horror movies but they're also comedies. They have logical reasoning and you get a sense that these things could really be out there. The Scream movies? Not a single paranormal thing there. Just some seriously twisted kids with empty pill bottles and too much time on their hands. Sounds like some people I know...

The stories, the details, everything is so well nurtured in movies like this. So why can't we do it with a standard horror film?

These are the questions that keep me awake.

My Thoughts: Racism and Homophobia

I'll be honest, I don't read the bible. Maybe there's somebody out there that does and to you my friend I say, correct me if I'm wrong but: racism and homophobia are different, no? In your book somewhere it says being gay is a sin and something about being hit with rocks. I think. But, nowhere in this book does it say "Bro, your skins a little darker than mine, somebody better kill you." right?

Lemme just say, I'm against all types of discrimination. Young people, old people, skinny people, fat people, loud people, quiet people, black people, white people, green people, gay people, straight people, happy people, sad people, hey those all end in "people". But while I am against discrimination, I also support people believing in things. There are people, some of them lovely people, who honestly believe that being gay is a sin and someone they care about will end up in hell for all eternity. These people aren't being mean or homophobic or hating anyone, they're honestly concerned. How sweet are they? Very.

Then you've got your wackadoos over at places like the Westboro Baptist Church. I don't like to generalize really, or insult people, but ya'll some nutjobs. For real. Those people, not peaceful. Not interested in looking out for anyone. Only interested in being assholes as publicly as possible. I've seen there websites and protests and interviews, I say again: Wackadoos. 

There are also some people that just basically don't like you. They're gonna say whatever they think sounds best to insult you, make you feel bad, emotionally murder you, you know, playground stuff. These people are what I like to call "boring". They don't actually stand for anything, or mean anything they say, it's kind of a waste of time to be these people, so...that sucks. Sorry about stuff, guys. Play an instrument or something.

But those genuine people, the ones that are actually invested in taking care of people, I can see where they're coming from. They've got an actual belief based on an actual book they believe to be the word of their god that tells them homosexuality is a sin.

So someone explain racism to me. I'm pretty sure that book doesn't say "kill people who are from Africa".
And that Jesus guy, ya'll remember him? Jewish. Just a whole bunch of all Jewish people were his people. They raised him, they hung out with him, they preached his message. Cool dudes, right? Doing stuff they care about, getting things done, hanging out with Jesus, but like, what if one of them gets a tan? He's a different shade of skin now. Uh oh, kick him out! Oh wait, he's a disciple, ain't nobody looking at his skin color.

What's our basis for discriminating against people of different races? What ancient text dropped down from the sky and set specific guidelines for what colors people could be? I want to be turquoise.

These are the questions that keep me awake.

My Thoughts: Avatar: The Last Airbender

So, when I was like, who really knows, some age. Eight maybe. When I was eight-maybe Nickelodeon brought on this anime show called Avatar: The Last Airbender.

My rundown of this show:
A kid that can float runs away from his responsibilities and some monks and gets frozen in a block of ice with his flying bison. Meanwhile, the world goes to hell and some guys with unattractive haircuts set everything on fire. Then a stupid girl girl with a lot of heart and faith and her dopey brother release the kid and his bison one hundred years later. The kid, supposedly, is the great protector, master of all elements here to save the world, but that one time that he ran off because he didn't want to clean his room rule the world and got frozen for a hundred years really cut into his training. Now girl with heart, dopey brother and floating kid must set off on the bison to master all the elements before the unattractive haircuts set them on fire. Adventure ensues.

It was a good show. My brother and I watched it religiously. Parked in front of my princess TV with paper plates loaded down with pepperoni pizza, we watched. They played it in marathons all the time. Even when it was new and there were only four episodes. We watched them. Over and over until... until... Oh I don't know, something that distracts eight year olds.

Those geniuses over at Nick, they got serious into this show. It wasn't just the marathons, they publicized the crap out of it. They released books about their adventures on the flying bison, they even had little plastic toys on sale at Target. Really, dude? My mom watches this show.

Then it ended, pretty quickly because, you know, the story was over. And then some time went by, and the kids who knew what that show was grew up and stuff. The geniuses at Nick, however, decided to make a movie with people that weren't even drawn.

I mean, that's cool. Make your movie. But like, who's your audience? I don't know. They don't know. They cast that guy from Twilight.

So, now we have a movie. And I went to see that movie. And now, my question is: Why did they change the pronunciation of every name? Not even consistently, they just came in and said everything in a new way. Sock-a became So-kuh and A-ng became Ahn-g and those people just really didn't know what they were doing with this one. Hi, Twilight guy.

Yo, Nickelodeon, you can't remember ya own characters names?

These are the questions that keep me awake.