Pictures

I love taking pictures. My computer actually is FULL because I have so many pictures on it. I have pictures of all those people I reference as "the past". They were there for all my pictures and memories, they're in all my stories. Now I've never been the kind to burn all the pictures of people after stupid fights; that's dumb. Even if you don't want the pictures now, you will someday and burning/disfiguring them won't erase the memories. Also, burning pictures is bad for the earth, but that's another story. So I keep my pictures, but I never look at them. Ya know why? Because every time I do I see their freakin' faces and I don't care about the memories

anymore. All the memories are "Yeah, but I know what's coming." It's like they're poisoning all my photographs with their smiles. Their fake, fake smiles.

Everyone has faced this problem I think. It's not a maturity issue or an "I hate you, go die!" issue, it's a "Wow I just really don't even want to see your face" issue. This is one of the ways our generation has it better. There used to be two choices, destroy the picture or don't destroy the picture. With this digital age, all our photos are online and backed up on discs, memory cards, phones and hard drives. The best thing I can come up with to do is make a copy and do this:

Remember that trip to Disney World? The one you went on with your choir full of your "best friends for life"? I remember the trip, but not the BFFL part. This reflects that.

Those times spent at the hotel's guitar shaped pool. Remember how we all went running to the piano pool and Mom tried to photograph us all running by?

Or how about the dumb things we did just walking around parks? Yeah we all stuck our heads in the stocks in the middle of magic kingdom on our way to our third time on the Haunted Mansion ride. And when the body dropped, you all screamed. Again. And when they spun you around and tilted you back you screamed. Again. You were amazed by the dancing ghosts. Again. And you all talked about the "Fred is dead, a big rock fell on his head" tombstone outside and referenced the annoying youtube kid. And laughed about whether or not a ghost would follow you all the way to Illinois, you just to your hotel.

There was that 13th birthday get together with just a few people. There was laser tag and that awesome guy that worked there helped shoot your friends because you had uneven teams. You still lost, but help from a much older, cute worker guy gave you guys enough to giggle over for the rest of the evening.

That Jonas Brothers concert the night before the first day of school? You opted for the 4 lawn seats so you could bring your friends with. There were several tears when Nick sang A Little Bit Longer.

You guys signed their tour bus. There was much talk of the "sacred" blue sharpie afterword.

How about when that old friend came back to town and you went to Wendy's with the old friend and the new one? There was sharing of old inside jokes and creating of new ones. Your mom just kept periodically taking pictures of everyone. It's a good thing everyone loved her because she takes a lot of random pictures of your friends.

Then you and said friends went to meet Ashley Greene.Your mom ordered those "Team Mike Newton" shirts Ashley loved so much. Yeah, you still have that shirt. Yeah it has Ashley's signature on it. Remember that old friend/enemy boy you've known since grade school that you saw in the line behind you? Good times.

And accidentally met Mitchel Musso, who was the sweetest guy and hugged all three of you separately and signed an insert on one of your CD's "Just in case" because you only had 2. Then after 5 minutes with you guys, still had the patience to wait while your mom changed cameras because hers wasn't working.

Yeah, okay. So I don't really go around copying pictures and putting colorful circles in place of peoples faces, but I thought it would make for interesting visuals. And it's a pretty good representation of what really happens. I laughed remembering the conversations we had all through Disney World, and my birthday party, and the concerts we went to and all the ridiculous stuff that happened at show choir rehearsals. The color blobs are perfect examples of my experience. That whole "It's not where you are it's who you're with" thing is a lie. 10 years from now there is a very real possibility you won't know who the heck you were with, but you'll remember Disney World. You'll remember the roller coasters that made you scream and performing on the dock in downtown Disney. You'll remember getting cake in your nose when someone smashed your face in it. Does it really matter who did the smashing? Does it really matter who took the video camera to show the video of the cake going up your nose to that guy you've been in love with forever? I'm honestly not even sure who took him the camera anymore, or who all was at the restaurant. (Yes, it happened at a restaurant.) The answer to all these questions is no.

Memory is a funny thing. It doesn't always stick around forever, but it can be triggered at anytime. So don't destroy the pictures. Don't completely close your mind to something that was once good. You could end up wiping out a lot more than a person's face. Just wait. And maybe, you'll be so absolutely annoyed at someone's face that you get angry every time you open your pictures. If that happens, cut their heads out; even if it's not permanent, it can help you see past who was a in a photo and see what was happening. That's what really counts.

"To my ex-bestfriends, don't know how we grew apart. To my favorite bands and singalongs in my car, to the face I see in my memory, Where are you now?" Where Are You Now -Honor Society

p.s. Just for the heck of it. I know you're wondering :P Not my best look.

Memory Lane

For a long time I have lived in a town that I am less than crazy about, on a street I don't really like, in a house surrounded by people I'm not huge fan of. I have been disconnecting from some people, most people in my area actually, and I couldn't be happier about that, but this town gets to me.

During the process of getting rid of people, I did things like change my phone number. The new number did eventually get to some people, but that hasn't been a problem yet. When the shock of "The Schooling Incident" had worn off, I realized that it wasn't just my school friends that were the problem. I began reevaluating my relationships with friends and family and taking care not to enter into any harmful situations again. I have made some small sacrifices, but when I think about it, they didn't matter that much after all.

Now, (thanks to facebook) I have been reconnecting with old friends, I even go places with them. Just last night I was planning a reunion party with a couple friends, who will bring their friends, and we will all meet people and listen to 90's boy bands, probably make fools of ourselves and film it. That's just how we have fun.

At the beginning of the summer, my mom and I revisited an idea we had gone over so many times: returning to the small town in the middle of nowhere we call home. Suddenly it wasn't an idea anymore, it was a full blown plan. We were driving around looking for places to live and buying newspapers. We began cleaning out our house and packing things. I talked to friends that live there, friends from kindergarten, from 3rd grade, people who actually want to see me.

Although I know there will the same kind of people there, I will continue to apply my new ways of thinking and evaluating. And I'll be doing from home this time, in a town I love, possibly on a street I grew up on, in a house surrounded by friends.

"Memory Lane, we're here again, back to the days and I'll remember you always, so much has changed, now it feels like yesterday I went away" -Memory Lane McFly