My Thoughts: Horror Movies

You: Hey, what's your favorite movie?
Me: That's a broad question. Can you narrow it down a bit?
You: What's your current favorite movie?
Me: The Cabin in the Woods.
You give me a weird look.

Yeah, you're doing it. I know you are. I get that look a lot when I...well, speak. You should see the looks I get when I say Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling are unattractive.

Stop looking at me like that.

Really though folks, horror fans especially, let's talk for a second. Ever noticed how so many for really real horror movies have majorly sucking story lines and are clearly just an excuse for naked people and blood? I like naked people and blood just as much as the next horror fan, I mean, who could get tired of that one blonde chick that just doesn't learn, takes her shirt off and is immediately beheaded? But I could watch that in my sleep. Yeah, I love effects and some big horror films have been worth a pretty penny, but random stabbings just aren't an interesting story. Engage me, terrify me, anything! Be interesting.

Well, the parodies are. Movies like Scream and The Cabin in the Woods, they're horror movies but they're also comedies. They have logical reasoning and you get a sense that these things could really be out there. The Scream movies? Not a single paranormal thing there. Just some seriously twisted kids with empty pill bottles and too much time on their hands. Sounds like some people I know...

The stories, the details, everything is so well nurtured in movies like this. So why can't we do it with a standard horror film?

These are the questions that keep me awake.

My Thoughts: Racism and Homophobia

I'll be honest, I don't read the bible. Maybe there's somebody out there that does and to you my friend I say, correct me if I'm wrong but: racism and homophobia are different, no? In your book somewhere it says being gay is a sin and something about being hit with rocks. I think. But, nowhere in this book does it say "Bro, your skins a little darker than mine, somebody better kill you." right?

Lemme just say, I'm against all types of discrimination. Young people, old people, skinny people, fat people, loud people, quiet people, black people, white people, green people, gay people, straight people, happy people, sad people, hey those all end in "people". But while I am against discrimination, I also support people believing in things. There are people, some of them lovely people, who honestly believe that being gay is a sin and someone they care about will end up in hell for all eternity. These people aren't being mean or homophobic or hating anyone, they're honestly concerned. How sweet are they? Very.

Then you've got your wackadoos over at places like the Westboro Baptist Church. I don't like to generalize really, or insult people, but ya'll some nutjobs. For real. Those people, not peaceful. Not interested in looking out for anyone. Only interested in being assholes as publicly as possible. I've seen there websites and protests and interviews, I say again: Wackadoos. 

There are also some people that just basically don't like you. They're gonna say whatever they think sounds best to insult you, make you feel bad, emotionally murder you, you know, playground stuff. These people are what I like to call "boring". They don't actually stand for anything, or mean anything they say, it's kind of a waste of time to be these people, so...that sucks. Sorry about stuff, guys. Play an instrument or something.

But those genuine people, the ones that are actually invested in taking care of people, I can see where they're coming from. They've got an actual belief based on an actual book they believe to be the word of their god that tells them homosexuality is a sin.

So someone explain racism to me. I'm pretty sure that book doesn't say "kill people who are from Africa".
And that Jesus guy, ya'll remember him? Jewish. Just a whole bunch of all Jewish people were his people. They raised him, they hung out with him, they preached his message. Cool dudes, right? Doing stuff they care about, getting things done, hanging out with Jesus, but like, what if one of them gets a tan? He's a different shade of skin now. Uh oh, kick him out! Oh wait, he's a disciple, ain't nobody looking at his skin color.

What's our basis for discriminating against people of different races? What ancient text dropped down from the sky and set specific guidelines for what colors people could be? I want to be turquoise.

These are the questions that keep me awake.

My Thoughts: Avatar: The Last Airbender

So, when I was like, who really knows, some age. Eight maybe. When I was eight-maybe Nickelodeon brought on this anime show called Avatar: The Last Airbender.

My rundown of this show:
A kid that can float runs away from his responsibilities and some monks and gets frozen in a block of ice with his flying bison. Meanwhile, the world goes to hell and some guys with unattractive haircuts set everything on fire. Then a stupid girl girl with a lot of heart and faith and her dopey brother release the kid and his bison one hundred years later. The kid, supposedly, is the great protector, master of all elements here to save the world, but that one time that he ran off because he didn't want to clean his room rule the world and got frozen for a hundred years really cut into his training. Now girl with heart, dopey brother and floating kid must set off on the bison to master all the elements before the unattractive haircuts set them on fire. Adventure ensues.

It was a good show. My brother and I watched it religiously. Parked in front of my princess TV with paper plates loaded down with pepperoni pizza, we watched. They played it in marathons all the time. Even when it was new and there were only four episodes. We watched them. Over and over until... until... Oh I don't know, something that distracts eight year olds.

Those geniuses over at Nick, they got serious into this show. It wasn't just the marathons, they publicized the crap out of it. They released books about their adventures on the flying bison, they even had little plastic toys on sale at Target. Really, dude? My mom watches this show.

Then it ended, pretty quickly because, you know, the story was over. And then some time went by, and the kids who knew what that show was grew up and stuff. The geniuses at Nick, however, decided to make a movie with people that weren't even drawn.

I mean, that's cool. Make your movie. But like, who's your audience? I don't know. They don't know. They cast that guy from Twilight.

So, now we have a movie. And I went to see that movie. And now, my question is: Why did they change the pronunciation of every name? Not even consistently, they just came in and said everything in a new way. Sock-a became So-kuh and A-ng became Ahn-g and those people just really didn't know what they were doing with this one. Hi, Twilight guy.

Yo, Nickelodeon, you can't remember ya own characters names?

These are the questions that keep me awake.

Katie puked.

So, world, what's up? I've missed you. Let me tell you a story.
This one time when I was nine I met this crazy guy. His name is Don Thacker. It turned out his craziness was actually a really magical, completely awesome thing that I totally wanted to be involved in. He also wanted me involved. Now we are friends.
Then he made this one movie called Motivational Growth. It showcases his awesome insanity in a beautiful but seriously jacked up way. Also, I was in it. I puked. Every time Don calls me it's because he wants me to puke or be shot or die in some way. One time he actually said to me, quite affectionately, that he would kill me so many times in my lifetime. He's a good dude.
And then we did this 72 hour film contest. All these really cool people at Imagos Films combined their talent, creativity and insomnia to make something awesome. That's pretty much what the people on this team do. They just get in the same room and then boom. Next thing you know (or 72 hours later) some freaking masterpiece falls from the sky. They're just that good.
Don't get lost in my rambling about the interesting people I know, keep up.
Tonight, Motivational Growth had a little screening. By little screening I mean, Motivational Growth, the finished project, was shown to a whole theater full of people for the first time EVER. I had seen this movie before, on a television set that most likely wasn't named Kent, in a very early stage. Then I saw it on a giant screen in a theater all put together. This is obviously the best way to view it. Which you would know if you had been there, but you weren't. Why is that? You should have been. Shame on you.
I'll tell you a secret. Last time I saw this movie, I took a bottle of scrubbing bubbles into the shower with me. You know, just in case of mold. Oh, did I tell you about The Mold? He sits in a corner and talks and shoots people with different types of fungus. What kind of movie is this? I told you, Don's crazy. And his mold is terrifying. If I ever come face to face with him, I'm dumping a gallon of bleach on that sucker. The Mold, that is. You really should have come to see this film. It's great.
So basically, I just wanted to tell you that Motivational Growth is awesome. I am honored to have been a part of it and to have had the chance to stand along side so many talented people this evening to represent the crazy, twisted, amazing thing we did. I am very fortunate to have friends like these.

Yep. That's what's new with me. How have you been?

Chicken

So, Chick-Fil-A. What the hell, right?

In my opinion, they're entitled to their opinion. Everyone is. If you are anti-gay and that's really what you believe, that's fine. That's your personal choice. It's even cool if you want to donate your own money to an organization with the same beliefs. That's all your own, personal decision. I even feel like if you want to donate money that your company has made, that's cool too.

The thing is, that's PERSONAL information. It's inappropriate for a business to be stating. You don't walk up to your customers and tell them about how you watched your grandfather flatline when you were 8. You don't walk up to your customers and tell them about how your wife left you after a torrid affair. You don't walk up to your customers and tell them you're spending all their money to buy yourself plastic surgery. And if you do, you should be fired.

If you want to be anti-gay, okay (I don't agree with you but it's not really any of my business) but you don't need to share that with the world. That's something you tell your friends and your family and people you know personally. Just the same if you are gay. That's never what you lead with. You don't meet people and say "Hi, I'm John. I sell chicken. I'm gay." because that's weird. No one cares. So you don't need to say "Hi, I'm John. I sell chicken. I'm against gay marriage." Both of these encounters will make people afraid of you, and it won't be because of your beliefs.

So keep your personal business personal. And next time you feel like announcing some things, stop and think "Is this public information? Would I tell someone I met on the street this information?" And if the answer is no, shut your mouth and go home. Tell your wife, tell your friend, tell your pool boy. Don't tell a camera or a microphone.

But if you do decide to be that creepy person that tells you too much information when no one asked you any questions, don't expect the people that disagree with you to provide you with cash for cars and pools and hate organizations. Just like you're entitled to your opinion, so is everyone else and they tend to get a little testy when you openly talk about their friends and family being abominations.  

Also, don't kill chickens.

My non-Hunger Games thoughts on Josh Hutcherson

So there's this guy. His name is Josh but I'm afraid most people know him better as Peeta these days.

Now, I love The Hunger Games. The books are fantastic emotional rides that I can't help speeding through; the movie was less good. But still, good. And when they opted to cast talent over name I was thrilled, but now I can't seem to escape the Team Peeta fans. No one wants to talk about Josh anymore.

It was 2006 when this boy first crossed my tv screen -long before The Hunger Games was even written- and I was mesmerized. His skills were astonishing. I was in love with his acting. I watched every film of his I could. I couldn't get over the way he embodied every character he played. And he became almost unrecognizable in every role.

He brought all the same skills to the table when he took on Peeta, even dying his hair, one of the few things that makes him recognizable, to fully portray the guy. But see, here's the thing about all that: The Hunger Games didn't change him, it changed his fans. He went from being virtually unknown and underground to people driving 6 hours to his family's house in KY on the off chance he'd be home for Thanksgiving, then watching him eat dinner through the window.

I guess that while that's a little creepy, it's not a bad thing. But now anytime I suggest watching one of his movies or interviews I feel like another fangirl. But Bridge to Terabithia, The Vampire's Assistant, The Kids Are All Right, these films that show a promising young actor doing what he does best, existed in the world and on my DVD shelf long before The Hunger Games, and his talent will keep shining long after they have gone.

So, yeah. I like Peeta. All for him. But I'm not in love with Josh Hutcherson because the world changed his name to a fictional characters. I'm in love with him for other reasons. Because that didn't sound creepy and fangirly at all...

Oh Brother.

You say it's your birthday nanananana it's my birthday too!

No seriously,
Happy birthday Matt. I have to say, 20? 20!? 20??????????????? Are we sure about this? Can't we go back to everybody being 1 something? I liked 19, I was good with 19. Yep. I've decided, 19 it is.

But again, seriously, I love you. I can't believe that you're 20. And all the time now it seems you guys are leaving me in the dust. First, I was the only one that was still a single digit age, then I was the only minor, now here you've gone and left me, again, to be the only teenager. But you know why I'm happy about that? You really are growing up. For the first time I feel like the only teenager. You've taken so much initiative in moving forward with your life. Don't get me wrong, you've still got a long way to go, but who doesn't? Moving in the right direction is all anyone can ever do right? 

WARNING: That in no way gives you permission to stop making progress. Don't even think about it. Think about Pink Elephants instead. (They are better than blue ones, magic powers and all)

Robert, I said don't think about it! Think about the elephants!

No seriously, pink elephants, what a concept, I was gobsmacked. Did you know there are pink DOLPHINS?? I want to swim with one, but they're in South America or something. I don't like shots.

I digress. 

Since you have officially left teenager/child life behind, I would like to remind you of a few things you're never allowed to forget:

Oh this too: EVERYTHING OK!

• Yoda dolls hurt if you get in the eye with them.
• Each of us has a little Criss Angel inside us. (you can remember this when you eat corn) 
• Beyblades will be cool no matter how old we get, but they DO NOT work in cardboard boxes. 
• On Wednesdays you should call your sister. Okay, not every Wednesday, but every now and then. 
• Seto Kaiba and Prince Zuko got nothin' on all those other anime jerks. 
• I once beat you at a duel. (no excuses! I said none!) 
• Snape has gotten kind of fat and his nose got larger. 
• Dad's "I fixed it!" face. :D
• "NINJA! Where you go?"
• The chicken-butts WILL peck your finger off.
• "Do what?" doesn't make sense in most circumstances. Try "What did you say?" :P
• Never argue grammar with mom, you will always lose. Always. 
• Never argue grammar with me, you will always lose. Most of the time. 
• Whether you bend and aim or not, WASH YOUR HANDS! 

Also, Matt, don't forget this either: I love you, I mean, a lot of the time I hate you, but you're my brother, that's how that works. It's a very specific rule. It's in the sibling handbook. I think you were sick that day. But I have it. I know the rule. And I love you, even if I hate you. But don't make me hate you, okay? Oh! And don't tell anyone about this love thing. I can't have you go ruining my reputation or anything. 

So, in short, Happy birthday old man, I love you and I'm proud of you, and stop this old thing. (but not the growing up thing. you're thinking about it still aren't you? Geez. You can't be trusted at all)